Murphy’s Law of Combat
A client sent this to me.
- By Anon
1) Friendly fire – isn’t.
2)Recoilless rifles – aren’t.
3) If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
4) If at first you don’t succeed, call in an airstrike.
5) You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
6) A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
7) Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8) If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
9) Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
10) If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
11) The enemy diversion you’re ignoring is their main attack.
12) The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they’re ready; when you’re not.13) A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
14) The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
15) The easy way is always mined.
16) Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
17) Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire. (For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.)
18) If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
19) The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
20) Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.
21) Things that must be together in order to work, can’t be shipped to the field that way.
22) Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. (Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)
23) Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing.
24) Tracers work both ways.
25) If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
26) Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
27) It’s not the one with your name on it that should worry you; it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” you’ve got to think about.
28) Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
30) If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
31) To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
32) A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
33) Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
34) If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
35) Odd objects attract fire – never lurk behind one.
36) The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).