When I was about thirteen my father’s alcoholism intruded on my consciousness. When he was sober, which was most of the time, he was a great hero of a man; a well-read-genius-early-riser-entrepreneur. But when mom left on vacation (?), and he fell off the wagon, he was pitiful, disappearing from our lives and from work. Friends would come by looking for him. His best friend (a woodworker) was also our neighbor, and he would check in on me to give me quarters for the arcade and to be sure I had enough food.

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One night, mother laid sheets out over the bed, and a bucket nearby for the puke. Well, for some reason I can’t remember I was alone when he came home. He missed the bed and ended up vomiting everywhere. Looking over this scene I made a quiet, but dead-serious decision. I decided to never drink. Not one drop as long as I lived.

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I saw how it destroyed our family. And how hard it was to leave it. It is only in hindsight that I see clearly the purpose of the AA meetings.

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When I chose to be baptized as a Mormon at age 15 it only reinforced the decision. Mormons observe what is called the “Word of Wisdom” which is a vow to take care of one’s body, eat properly, and stay away from harmful substances (specifically mentioned are coffee, tea, alcohol and tobacco– though proper use of the last two are outlined e.g. alcohol for cleaning wounds).

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Naturally, during high school my friends discovered the liquor cabinet. On occasion, they would try and prevail on me to join in, but to no avail. I found that after standing my ground a few times, the group would not only let the matter be, but defend me. I was the constant designated driver.

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One time, they put vodka in my chocolate milk as a prank. I tasted it, and went and made myself throw up. Point made.

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There was one time, while my friends were in college (I did not go until I was 23) and I was feeling particularly worthless. I was sitting in the dorm room looking at the mini-fridge thinking I’d do anything to numb the pain. Maybe getting hammered would to the trick. But in that timeless moment I turned away.

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How much easier it is to nip bad habits in the bud. Or not even start. I would highly recommend making this vow to any young person. I think it has removed a major complication from my life; sweetened it as it were.

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I find commercials for alcohol laughable. Superimposed over it I see my father, pale-faced, ralphing his guts out. A great man brought low. How can they paint such a pretty picture when in a certain percentage of cases (not everyone ends up an alcoholic) a man’s life is ruined? And children.

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A line from a song by Cake: “excess ain’t rebellion, you’re drinking what they’re sellin” It occured to me that by not drinking I was a sort of rebel against the status quo.

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After my father passed away, I got to speak with his friend (our neighbor). He said that whenever life was overwhelming for my dad, he would hit the bar and go on a binge. But that after he got the news that he had cancer, he was walking down the street with him, and he passed by the bar, only pausing briefly on the sidewalk. I think in the end he put his demons to rest.

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But how much better to stay clean from day one.

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PS- I make my usual disclaimer here. I don’t make or pretend any claim to supersalient virtue. I am just a regular man, with problems on my own. It is my hope that perhaps one reader may be influenced for the good.